My Story

My personal story started of with erectile dysfunction due to an accumulation of recreational drugs over a number of years. When you take enough drugs over a period of time ,  your liver gets overloaded dealing with all of these harsh toxins and chemicals and this leads  to developing erectile dysfunction for an extended period of about 18 months or so. At this point in time, i still had no issues with libido or sexual sensitivity, or orgasm, it was just erectile dysfunction as a sexual side effect, there was also stress , depression, lethargy and a general crappy feeling physically from what i had done to my body.

Once this happened , i had enough of drugs and started living a far more healthier lifestyle with a lot of exercise ( almost every day ) to flush out the toxins from my body. After about 15 months or so my body was returning to its old self and my erections at that time were back to 75 to 80 percent strength.  I started going out to clubs again and hooking up again with girls. Feeling impatient with my body not fully being back yet , i mistakenly thought that if i increased my daily masturbation i would speed up the return of full erection strength. Just like if you work out your bicep muscles at the gym or any other muscle , then it will become stronger. As it turns out, excess ejaculation is a terrible idea that just depletes your body physically, emotionally and sexually and led me to a diagnosis of Kidney Ying Deficiency  as it is called in TCM ( Traditional Chinese Medicine. )

I initially went to my local western doctor and told her everything that i had done to that point and when i told her that i believed that the extremely weak erections that i was getting that did not last very long coupled with the no libido was due to excessive masturbation over a 3 or 4 month period, she responded that she had never heard of anything like that happening before. She offered to put me in touch with a specialist but said that he was currently on holiday and it would take a few weeks before i could see him. I was leaving the country in a week or so at this stage so that did not work for me.

Prior to visiting my local western doctor, i had seen a number of websites online talking about curing sexual exhaustion from excessive masturbation through traditional chinese medicine practices. So my next port of call was to visit a (TCM) doctor and he told me that excessive ejaculation absolutely caused all of my current problems and this is what led me to getting my diagnosis of Kidney Ying  Deficiency after my initial consultation with him.

The  western medicine equivalent to Kidney Ying  Deficiency is Adrenal Fatigue. This was told to me by my (TCM) doctor who is also a trained western medical doctor.

Every thing that my (TCM) doctor said turned out to be true and applied to me. He listed all of the symptoms associated with this condition such as

  • bad reaction to alcohol next morning after consuming it ( 1 to 2 small beers is okay ), but more than that will lead to horrible feeling that your body is completely overrun with stress when you wake up. It feels like your nervous system is getting tasered. This then destroys any progress made on your recovery and sends you back to the beginning.
  • similar bad reaction when you consume spicy food.
  • reaction to caffeine and sugar immediately after consumption where it  increases  stress/anxiety and impedes your progress made.
  • constipation.
  • feeling depleted emotionally , depressed and having no buffer zone for my emotions. Stress ,anxiety, anger going from 1 to 10 instantly.
  • physical fatigue , tired all the time.
  • sexual fatigue, weak erections , no libido, no orgasm, watery ejaculate, no sexual sensitivity from penis.
  •  pain in the kidney region and kidney areas noticeably cold to the touch.
  • excessive sweating.
  • cold feeling in the feet and tip of penis (extremities of body).
  • pain in testicles after ejaculation because hormones completely depleted.
  • stress tension headaches where the stress would actually collect in a physical lump in the temple area of my head and stay for days giving the feeling that my head was in a vice.
  • tingling of moving energy in my testicles.

Every single thing my ( TCM ) doctor said was true even the reaction to spicy food which i thought was the strangest. He said that these things caused excess heat in the body and exacerbated the condition.

So he told me the remedy to Kidney Ying Deficiency is to

  • limit all ejaculations to 2 times a month. ( if your testicles feel swollen at any stage, you can just massage them for about 5 minutes each and they will feel better.)
  • avoid all the foods and drinks that will cause problems. (alcohol, spicy food, caffeine , sugar.)
  • heat up the kidneys daily ( cardio exercise with sweating will do this.) A hot bath will do this and to a lesser extent a hot shower aimed at you back.
  • relaxation. Meditate as much as you can , minimum of 1 hr daily, if you can do more, then do more. Tai chi, Qigong will do exactly the same, whatever is easiest that works for you.
  • Acupuncture and traditional chinese herbs can be used but i have found that they are not completely necessary, if you do enough meditation and heat up the kidneys daily and follow correct diet you can recover without them. Acupuncture is definitely helpful and if it is in your area and affordable for you i would recommend  going 1 time per week.


When everything is done correctly with this treatment, it takes around  6 months to recover, the younger you are, the faster you recover due to having more hormones in your body. But I was told by my TCM doctor that it usually takes people around 2 years because the recovery is not simple or straight forward. I found it very difficult to do myself while juggling a full time job with a lot of responsibilities.

In the beginning , it was easy i followed the advice exactly and my body would start to respond. The whole point of the recovery is that your body is depleted, the gas tank is empty and by not ejaculating regularly and keeping yourself calm during the daytime your body starts to store up its hormones again and fills it up slowly until its full again. You have to activate your parasympathetic nervous system that deals with healing, calming and restoring your body everyday by doing meditation and stress minimization. Lots of calm and lots of rest and good sleep at night is key to your recovery. Due to this condition your body has gone too far  in the direction of the sympathetic nervous system or the fight or flight mode which means that your baseline of stress and anxiety is now elevated. This is the new default setting for your body and you must continually override that by relaxation. This condition will not simply correct itself with time. You must continually provide your body these conditions of calm and relaxation until full recovery.

When everything is done right, you would get daily spontaneous erections that would start off small and not last very long and week by week they would increase in size and strength and also in frequency and duration. As this was happening, your moods would improve both in terms of relaxation and lowering of stress and also then your happiness and joy would incrementally improve.

The problem being was that you had to keep your moods calm all the time or you would go back to square one. You could have 6  or 7 good weeks continuously and then your good mood could skyrocket (due to your hormones building up and your recovery improving too)  and you would not be able to keep your mood under control and it would undo all your good work and send you back to the beginning. When you have this condition , there is no buffer zone on your emotions and just as your bad moods can skyrocket off out of control so can your good moods too, which is a problem.

Initially when i was treating this condition , i was holding down a full time job at the same time. So after work every day i would go to the gym and do my cardio exercise on the cross trainer and sweat to heat up my kidneys. This would also reduce my daytime stress levels and help me sleep better as well. Good sleep was needed every night to get those nocturnal erections and essentially recharge up my depleted batteries one day at a time till i was fully recovered.

The kidney ying deficiency recovery works by first returning full erection strength incrementally week by week with your erections starting small in size and then getting bigger until full size and then building up to full strength. After this is done the libido is returned, again slowly week by week like filling up an empty gas tank. The big problem with this is keeping your moods and emotions in a calm and relaxed state throughout the day. While your sexual function  is returning week by week back to normal, so too is your good mood, joy and happiness and it can come surging back and if you cant contain it, this will effectively send your recovery back to the beginning. Needless to say i found this part very difficult and very frustrating.

The answer to this of course is simply more and more meditation each day to counteract it. Also saying a mantra to yourself can stop your thoughts from racing away. But this is easier said than done when you already have the commitment of a full time job with responsibilities. There are only so many hours in the day.

My problems would appear around 6 to 8 weeks in at each attempt i would make at my recovery. I was doing around 1 hr of meditation every day along with the exercise along with the full time job and everything else. In the early stages, 1 hr of meditation was working fine for pushing my recovery forward each day , but when my moods started to pick up as my body got stronger, they would counteract against the progress made , so i would plateau for a couple of weeks and then be shunted backwards in my recovery back to the beginning again. In hindsight i really needed to be doing more meditation at this stage of my recovery, maybe 2  or even 3 hrs a day and i also realized later that mantras said to myself when my moods would take off would also help me keep myself calm and not undo my progress. Juggling a full time job with this condition is not easy, it took me a long time to really understand this condition. My situation was further complicated by the fact that mentally i was still shaking off the effects of the drugs i had put into my body for many years which affected my moods and stress levels also coupled with the fact that my emotions are pretty strong to begin with and can go racing off by themselves anyway.

So this brings me to the point where i took Saw Palmetto, the 5ar inhibitor in herbal supplement form . I was struggling with my kidney ying  deficiency for a few years and became very frustrated with it. I had the feeling i was going round in circles , 3 or 4 steps forward and then 2 back. I took the supplements because i thought it would give my recovery that i was struggling with a much needed boost. There is anecdotal evidence on line that they can improve your libido and sexual health. Big mistake, unfortunately i was one of the very few who cannot take this supplement. I had no idea that there was even a remote possibility that people can  have major reactions to 5ar inhibitors either in herbal supplement form. I always believed that herbal supplements were natural and safe.

Within about 3 and a half months or so of taking  Saw Palmetto at the  recommended dose  my body stopped producing erections completely. A complete loss of nocturnal, morning or daytime erections under any circumstances coupled with my orgasm completely disappearing  and now having watery ejaculate. Normally i was getting regular erections daily even if they were not full strength and my orgasm was there albeit not full strength with normal creamy ejaculate.  Once i realized that the supplements must be causing this i stopped taking them immediately.

Initially my daily spontaneous erections started to come back like before, and i thought i was over the ill effects of the supplements. Then all hell broke loose, i got my first crash. It hit at nighttime and  woke me up with a beating heart which at first i thought was just a bad dream and just tried to return to sleep. But my beating heart got faster and faster and my feeling of anxiety and stress got stronger and stronger. I focused on doing my breathing exercises to counteract this but to no avail. My heartbeat raced and anxiety soared until i was sitting upright bent over in my bed struggling to breathe genuinely thinking i was going to die. This was my first endocrine crash.  Each crash would start with a full blown anxiety attack that would last around 45 minutes. This then was followed by around 72 hours of severe suicidal depression with a handful of exhausted hours sleep here and there.

I remember the feeling of stress and tension in my head after each crash that would stay with me for weeks at a time where my head felt like it was in a vice. At this point after the first crash i noticed i could no longer exercise as i had done before. I would get that horrible stress reaction the morning after similar to consuming alcohol or spicy food which i would notice first thing upon waking up. The feeling that my nervous system had just been tasered. This of course would crush any progress made and send you back to the beginning again.

I had no clue as to why any of this was happening. All i knew was that if i kept doing the program as i had been before i believed i would get better. So with cardio exercise now off the table due to these new horrible reactions , i simply did some gentle walking for exercise and would take a long hot shower aimed at my back to heat up my kidneys. Also keeping my feet in a basin of hot water and refilling it when the water cooled for about 45 minutes seemed to work  too. Of course this was coupled with a lot of meditation.

How the kidney ying and kidney yang deficiency treatment would work was where you were basically refilling your depleted hormones week by week and when you had filled up the tank in your reproductive system it then emptied out into the rest of your body almost like a water feature in a garden where as soon as one container fills up it overflows into another. You could see this when you were charting your recovery on a daily basis. You would be getting good spontaneous erections daily and then they would disappear for  a day and then the day after they would come back noticeably stronger this time with a noticeable jump in your mood too. When you were doing everything correctly you would see this happen periodically.

I believe that when i took the 5ar inhibitor herbal supplement ( Saw Palmetto ) it completely knocked out my natural testosterone production. Just like women produce testosterone every day, men produce estrogen in their reproductive system. This is normally kept in check by the daily production of testosterone but when my testosterone was completely knocked out by the  5ar inhibitor i believe the estrogen level just grew and grew and when the tank was full then got dumped into my system which i believe is the reason for the crashes. Obviously this is all simply my opinion of what i think is happening.

When i was having these horrible crashes , i noticed i was getting these strange magical type dreams in the midst of all the chaos. Three or four hours sleep per night with twenty hours of extreme suicidal depression for days on end was almost more than i could take.  I have heard that transgender people who inject estrogen into their bodies have experienced these strange dreams too, maybe it is the effect of the estrogen on your brain.

After a period of going round in circles with repeated crashes , i am not even sure if i had 3 or 4, it was a pretty chaotic time and the crashes seemed to get worse each time, i went to the hospital and it was there that the urologist put me on viagra for four days straight at half a tablet each day and told me to masturbate as long as i could. I did this without ejaculating knowing that i would be building up my hormones in the process. After 3 days i felt a shift in my mood , my baseline of stress and anxiety which was really high at the time decreased noticeably. I waited until the 4 days of viagra use were over then i decided to go to the gym and check if i could exercise again free of those horrible reactions. I awoke the morning after and felt better than i had in a while. I knew i had turned a corner in my recovery. What i did not know at the time was how long it would take me to get back to the stage where i had been before i took the 5ar inhibitor supplements.

I am currently in the estrogen clearing stage (dissolving lumps that appeared right after the crashes) and am over 4 years into it already but i definitely feel that i am a lot closer to the end of it than the beginning . Judging by the size of the estrogen deposit that is on the side of my penis, i think i am around 75% through this stage. After each crash lumps appeared in my body, in my calves , the side of my penis, side of my knee and in my sternum and maybe in other places too. I believe that these lumps are calcified estrogen that must be dissolved fully before i can get to the last stage of recovery.

Knowing what i know now, i feel that i shouldn’t have too many problems with the final stage of this recovery when i get to it. I will fully dedicate all of my time to it when i get there. Balancing a full time job with life and everything was just making something that is quite difficult to begin with almost impossible for me. My moods naturally can be quite strong  can shoot up and down all by themselves so with all of this extra stuff going on , it was just too much to deal with.

I have learned everything that i know about this condition by making as many observations about what is going on with my body as i can and writing everything down daily to try to figure it out. Doing so has helped me get my  program as dialed in as i can. Unfortunately most of the lessons learned came after something went wrong. But i now feel equipped to deal with every remaining step of this recovery and i just have to be patient with it and accept the slow rate of recovery that comes with it. I hope this information is helpful to others dealing with this same situation either brought on by taking 5ar inhibitors in herbal supplement form or pharmaceutical form.